new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
Couch. On fire.
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