id be glad to
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
yo your bro wants to know what time he got home and were you hosing him off
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
