Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
