so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
did you find a tooth?
did you lose one?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
