Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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