Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
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