hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
Randomize
