walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
This is going to be a 3 day beach sex fest. Do you understand
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize
