He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
I need water and some morals
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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