please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
In local news, attempts to hide phone from extremely drunk self prove unsuccessful for Dallas woman.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
Randomize
