Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
third nipple confirmed
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
Randomize
