Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
