My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
New drinking game get out your high school year book and take a shot for everyone in your class who's had a baby!
Randomize
