I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I love that my family celebrates every holiday with a joint. Chanukah? Mazel-juana! Easter? What's more spring than the color green? Election day? What better way to celebrate democracy in action than medical pot?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Randomize
