Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Who would have guessed that on my moms birthday she'd have sex with the door open. :(
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
