we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
