Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
Randomize
