Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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