I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
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