I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
We need to find out what drug we took so we can take it everyday from here on out
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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