Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
