Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Just saw a dude take a shot in the parking lot in his car. Too early in the semester for that
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
