If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
He asked to "fluff my boner.."
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I just got woken up by some Christians who wanted to talk about the bible. ways to make a hangover even worse for a thousand trebek
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Randomize
