you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Randomize
