My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
