ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
I have my period so I felt bad and blew him with cash cab in the background. I wanted to yell out the answers but my mouth was full.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I just applied for an unsubsidized loan naked. I love the internet.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
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