I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
