He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
