STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
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