What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
He? As in you personified your dick?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
