did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
