you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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