I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
