I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Randomize
