Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
Go christen that room with your naked body.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
