u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
Randomize
