he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
library dates and plan B? He is looking like a great catch.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Randomize
