It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
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