I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
it's like heaven, but drunker
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
