I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
remind me to get a blood sugar test this week. I'm pretty sure I'm a mojito away from diabetes.
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
They had their heads out of the car singing the wrong words to the national anthem as we drove through traffic of people leaving the fireworks. AMURICA
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
Randomize
