sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
walk of shame to my ortho appointment. kids are staring. this little girl just asked her mom if she can havr glitter in her hair too.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
