All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
