Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
