I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Just got a blowie during the Avengers. It's weird knowing that the high point of your life just happened.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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