if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
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