If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Randomize
