I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Randomize
