Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
