SEEEEXXX PLEASE
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
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