i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
A+ Viking dick
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize
