honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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