I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Moral of the story - don't craft naked. Your nipples with thank me.
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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