i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
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