If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
