So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
